The Highly Anticipated Baby & Thoughts That Accompany Having Another Daughter

She did it!

I did it!

We did it!

She is here!

Late last week she finally arrived, waiting until a day when the boys were at school and Miss Boo was in daycare.

the birth was a different experience for me, it was more difficult but I used all my coping mechanisms like stamping and vocalising, bouncing on a fitball and fuckloads of gas and air which I hadn’t felt helped in my first labour.

My prenatal records seemed to only be held in the maternity triage unit and I had to keep repeating myself to every care giver who didn’t have the info, blood group, no allergies, no complications, posterior placenta, normal deliveries previously etc etc. A doctor came in and she wanted to do an ultrasound to check the placenta when I was on my back, given the pains I was in I was not impressed by this and curled up on my side but she insisted on checking anyway which had me putting JJ on stand by to have her removed from the delivery suite!

There was a change of shift with the midwives when I was approaching transition which was interesting. I don’t think it stalled labour but my new midwife was called Shane. He was (and still is I assume) a man, something I hadn’t encountered before. he had a very relaxed and encouraging approach to birthing, he cranked up my gas and air and pushed on my lower back in transition to help the pain- generally all round tops. Naturally I had the urge to push as soon as he left the room and my beloved ended up having to catch bub as she came out.

All 4.2kg of her. my previous bub was less than 3kg and none have been bigger than 3.5kg. I was expecting this even less than a male midwife! She doesn’t look big to me- not fat at all- so much so I have checked her weight several times! She is beautiful and strong and alert and feisty! It turns out  I have very strong membranes which don’t break until considerable force is applied (I had Shane break my membranes after I pushed them out, to get things moving- it must have worked, two pushes after that she was born!) which is probably why it takes so long for labour to get going in earnest. Such fun! I had aims to breathe my baby out but they have all been born with  a mighty roar and full of power. I guess that is just how I do things really and birth is no exception.

In the lead up to labour and birth of my second daughter I encountered on social media several incidences of women criticising others (some famous, some not) when they said that as feminists they supported equality. I must confess that I can’t see what is wrong with this, I support the lifting up of women and the breaking down of traditional gender roles for one aim, equality for both genders, I think everyone should be empowered to make their own choices. I think that to promote otherwise is nothing other than gender based gatekeeping and that attacking women for supporting equality is incredibly harmful to the cause. I support men and women choosing their own roles in life, I think stay at home dads and male midwives and male child carers are and important part of this. Whilst we perpetuate the idea that women are the only people who can do certain roles we doom ourselves to a kind of slavery, the one that comes from “men are such adorable grown up children” the one that has us being the nurturer, the nappy changer, the cook and the chief organiser. I can’t see why promoting equality to share the loads of life could be wrong. Why arc up about feminism promoting equality and making empowered choices? Quite frankly if that is counter to what feminism is about then I think there are a lot of people who won’t be joining the cause. If I am doing feminism wrong, I guess I shall stop and the gatekeepers win. In the meantime I shall bring up my daughters and sons on equality.

 

4 comments

  1. dorothykbiz says:

    Congratulations, lovely! And good on you for including a little rant on feminism in your birth story post.

  2. Rachel Stewart says:

    Oh congrats!!! She is deliciousness.

    I adored the male midwife I had looking after me on the maternity ward (after my son was born, he wasn’t there for the birth. Honestly i wish he was, he was the only decent person I encountered in the whole 5 days I was in hospital. He was gentleness and calm and love. My partner in the morning did question him – out of curiosity – as to why a man would be a midwife, but there’s no reason a man shouldn’t be. It’s a ridiculous notion that men aren’t capable of the sensitivity and nurturing for such a role. (yet, they can be obstetricians – and people don’t bat an eyelid at. Because doctor.)

    • Jessie says:

      oooh the obstetrician of course! The ob on our ward was a woman so that was another flip. TBH I m just there to get in, do the job and get out, it isn’t a spiritual, nurturing thing for me at all!

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