On birthdays and unbirthdays.

We made it. We have been in Queensland for nearly 3 weeks now. Our furniture is not which is a whole stressful other story but luckily through happenstance and familial help we have enough to keep going so it isn’t exactly like camping, although I don’t recommend a mattress on the floor for heavily pregnant women, especially one with a torn intercostal muscle, the final legacy of a Tasmanian upper respiratory tract infection.

After various hiccups we have the boys in school, a few days a week day care for Miss Boo and the internet connected. I have a snuggle bed for our impending arrival and I have a pared down hospital bag with me as my most excellent labour bag didn’t fit with my checked luggage. I have simply no idea what happened to my maternity record but it was a boring read of uncomplicated lowish blood pressure readings with nothing to report anyway.

It was my birthday. We walked on the beach, spontaneously had fish and chips and then later went a bought an icecream cake. it was casual and exciting and spent with my family and just right. It was then the 2nd night of contractions, with back pain and the right intervals and then … nothing.  Prodromal labour is a wonderful thing, it has the exact same feel as the start of labour but it can just stop. Then start again the next day, going for some hours with back pain and breathing and then…once again nothing. There is a great idea that when you are in labour you “just know” and that there are firm signs like losing your mucus plug or having your membranes rupture but I have never been offered this certainty. I have been lucky to have healthy, uncomplicated natural births but none of my labours have I “just known” nor have I had the other signs. Not once. I didn’t know until I was in active labour and I nearly missed getting to hospital with Master Button. It is a little disconcerting to not be able to trust the signals your body is giving you for something so intuitive but I try to breathe through it and not get swept away with the non-productive pain and lack of sleep, to go with the flow when I don’t know if I should be making plans or not. Life has a way of making you realise that you are not in control of as much as you think, children being a tangible reminder of this, constantly- even before they are born.

Just breathe.

Nothing is under control.




    • Jessie says:

      I know! I haven’t had mine break except for by the force of active labour. Apparently
      only 8-15% of labour starts with waters breaking!

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