Activating my M*therF*cking Almonds or Namaste, Bitches

It’s the new year… Had you noticed?

I had, in a BIG way.

Let’s be frank, last year sucked balls big time. I know it was the same for a lot of people so if your 2014 sucked I offer some very sincere commiserations.

But it’s a new year an although it could be suggested that it is a fairly arbitrary line in the sand I am drawing that line and taking the ball and running with it, (not sucking it) and any other mixed metaphor that conveys the fact I am embracing the new year and all of it’s potential with MAXTREME gusto.

My aims for the year are simple enough;

Finish my Diploma of Counselling

Give my blog some life (once a month posting sounds solid and do-able!)

Move our business to a place we can make more money to do cool stuff with.

More Moving our bodies.

More adventures.

More Cuddles.

More walks.

That’s about it for new years intentions/resolutions/revolutions/whatever, but I have taken the opportunity to jump on the passing bandwagon that is the January Whole30.

If you aren’t familiar with the concept you can read about it extensively online, but the upshot is this: Eat unprocessed whole foods (no dairy, grains, legumes) for 30 days. No trying to trick yourself with “healthy” “bad foods” (I love healthy junk food so this is a bit hard!).

That is all.

Seems hardly worthy of being called a fad diet but anyway… it has quite a cult following (I personally know a gajillion people who swear by the benefits) and so I am trying to chase down the last of the food intolerances I have managed to develop over the year.

Apparently stress is sort of shit for the digestion and you need to get that sorted if you want to be able to eat normal food. which is why I am doing it. I am sick of finding that processed food is giving me a rash, or digestive pain that makes me feel like am birthing an alien through my abdomen or producing horrendous depressive attacks.Not because I think Pete Evans is hot. OK? (By the way, if you think it is OK to say awful things about people because they are choosing to eat food closer to their natural state and accusing them of being obsessed and killjoys you might want to examine your own motivations for such vehemency… I suggest the problem may not be that someone chose to Instagram their steak).

Whole30 is apparently a bit of a panacea for skin, digestion, weight, anxiety problems- even if it isn’t, I think that a month of healthy, unprocessed foods is just a fine thing to do- don’t you?

Anyhoo…I love my coffee. Coffee is allowed on Whole30 (praise be!) but milk which I have in my morning cappuccino is not. I can have almond milk though.  Although we have many unsweetened almond milks available in our supermarkets in Australia they have other kind of weird things in so it is best to make your own which I did.

I soaked sorry… ACTIVATED my almonds over night and tried my new Magic Bullet blender, (Christmas present which I haven’t really got the hang of yet.) to blend the activated almonds with water. Well, that was the theory.

In actual fact I made an horrific mess all over the place with ground almonds and water splattering every surface, spewing half made gritty almond milk forth from the blender jug.

Ah. So I wiped that up and fetched a clean pair of plus-sized pantyhose I am (hopefully) not fitting into anytime soon and cut the foot off one leg. This was a less than elegant solution when one does not have a nutmilk bag..

I put the stocking foot into my vintage Tang jug and poured the almond pulp/milk into it where it ballooned much too big and promptly got extremely stuck in the jug so I couldn’t strain properly.

*SIGH*

so I tipped the strained milk out into a jug bowl an awkwardly held the stocking full of almond pulp back whilst squeezing it and swearing wholeheartedly.

Eventually this was completed and it was decanted back into the vintage Tang jug (oh sweet irony!) and I am now dehydrating the activated almond pulp.

Achievement unlocked: Activated Almond Wankery. level 9.

Feeling good though!

 

Only 28 more days to go.

 

 

 

 

4 comments

  1. Veronica says:

    See, straining things is hard, and dangerous and you should just eat your lumpy almond milk with a spoon like a real paleo, I bet people didn’t strain things using stocking 10000 years ago.

    GEEZ, Jessie.

    Related: I am trying to quit sugar again. hahahahaa, maybe when all the chocolate runs out. I know damn well avoiding processed sugar makes me feel better, but it’s hard to start. I’m not determined enough this week.

  2. Ed Pols says:

    Now trying to find the outfit that goes with one footed tights 🙂 You will love the whole 30, and having just spend a month macking out on sugar and processed foods washed down with bathtubs of alcohol I am uber fatty chunksville and am amazed at how fast I gained abdomen wait (hello insulin resistant carb junkie). The long term picture of really limiting all sugars and carbs for close to nature goodies is a no brainer, and also makes the occassional hotdog ok 🙂 IT DOES!

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